Two Steps Forward and One Step Back
by Sardixiis
Summary: Olivia was pretty sure she was used to having a new partner, was finally okay with it. Apparently that's not the case when she's bleeding out after chasing down a perp. Olivia's point of view in season 13, though Elliot shows up later.
1. Chapter 1  Something Off

**Two Steps Forward and One Step Back**

Author's Note: This is my first SVU fic, and it's a lot different from the other ones I have written simply because it's written in first person. The entire story is from Olivia's point of view. Also, I'm very used to writing in past tense, so this is also a bit odd for me. Habit has me immediately going back to past tense, so I'm hoping that after all of the proofreading there won't be any slips out of present tense where it wasn't intentional. While there is not a specific time frame for this, it does take place at some point during season 13, more around the timeline of the most recent episodes. Other than that, it doesn't need to be exact.

Chapter One- Something Off

I know that look. God, I know that look far too well. But it isn't right. This isn't who that look should belong to. There is only one person who has ever watched me that way, eyes so full of fear for me, for my safety. One person.

Elliot.

And this isn't Elliot looking down at me. I don't understand, and I'm having trouble figuring out why this feels so off. The pieces just aren't fitting together. He's my partner. He should be here.

No. That's wrong. El retired. It isn't his face watching me, worrying about me. It's Nick Amaro's.

I thought I was over this. I thought I had accepted it. And I had. Really, I had. It had taken awhile, but eventually I'd come to terms with losing him and had stopped giving Nick the cold shoulder. He is a good partner even if he is still learning the intricacies of SVU.

"Olivia, stay with me."

El would have said the same thing. Odd how I haven't thought so much about him until now. Until I was bleeding on the ground. The first few months had been really hard. I'd thought about him everyday, unable to avoid moving on. Taking that step forward, moving on from him, I couldn't do it. Captain nearly had my ass for not helping the new guys, but I didn't care at the time. I didn't care about much of anything. As time passed, I'd started to come around until I slipped into the role of Nick's partner and mentor. Amanda's too really. After that I spent a lot less time watching Elliot's empty desk and dwelling over his absence.

I thought I was okay with having a new partner, but apparently that was only on a normal case. This case had started out that way, normal, but it had changed quickly. Me ending up bleeding out on the sidewalk after I'd been stabbed isn't normal. Or maybe it kind of is.

Seriously, what is it with me and knives? You would think on a job like this that I'd get shot, but no, I've never been shot. Only stabbed and sliced. Oh yeah, and poisoned.

I can't help the small laugh that bubbles out of me when I think of that. The captain still brings up the pickle thing from time to time.

Nick is looking at me like I've lost it. Gaping hole in my gut, blood pooling around me, and I'm laughing. Maybe he's right. Maybe I have lost it.

I'm not really sure. Then again, I'm not really sure about anything. Maybe I'm just slap happy from the pain. There is definitely enough of it.

Lying here like this makes me feel kind of vulnerable. I don't usually need protecting. Knowing that I can't protect myself right now is deeply unsettling for me. I won't allow myself to show that fear to Amaro though. He's scared enough as it is. The last thing he needs is for me to add to it. As long as I stay calm and in control, he'll be better off. I can do that for him even if it's hard.

"Liv? Focus on me, okay?"

I can feel the pressure increase on my abdomen. That means the pain will double. Odd. It doesn't. Hn. His free hand locks in mine and squeezes, trying to keep me with him and focused so I don't drift off. That's my blood making his hand feel sticky. At least I think it is.

Sheesh. He's so worried. I can read it in his eyes without even trying. Honestly, I'm surprised he cares so much. We haven't been partners long. He doesn't really know me. Not that that's his fault.

It's mine.

I haven't told him anything. Avoided all of the big questions, easily sidestepping them when he's asked. Details of my life I didn't want to share. Maybe I'm overly guarded, but I don't care. I can't break down the walls I've erected around myself. It's just safer that way. Safer for me.

"Ambulance is on the way," he assures.

Of course it is. Help tends to arrive fast in response to a 10-13, an officer down. Maybe if I listen hard enough I can hear it coming. It will give me something to do besides lie here and wait. Listening for the ambulance will direct my focus and keep me here and aware.

"Olivia, look at me!"

For goodness sake. I move my eyes back onto his, keeping my focus there. Apparently drifting into my own thoughts for even a moment makes him panic. He has no reason to. I'm stronger than that. It's not like I'm going to give up.

Not that I wouldn't mind the pain stopping or a few minutes. It's starting to become nearly unbearable. I've been in pain before, but it was always when I was in a situation that required quick thinking and action on my part. Any injuries I'd sustained were promptly followed by my taking out the guy who caused them or at least getting up to follow. Now I can do neither, which leaves me at a loss. Without a goal, all I have is the pain and any weak distractions I can come up with.

I sigh heavily, knowing pain is probably a good thing no matter how much I hate it. It means I'm still here.

Ow. I shift my hand out of Nick's suddenly vice-like grip. I guess he can't handle it if my eyes close longer than an average blink either.

"Amaro…"

"Right here."

Not what I was getting at, but okay. I'd have to let him know later that when your partner is hurt, squeezing their hand so hard that it's painful doesn't help. Actually, now that I think about it, this could very well be the first time he's ever had a partner hurt on the job.

It is kind of funny. Again in that sick, twisted, "this is just ridiculous" kind of way. When you're bleeding out you want someone with you who has experience and knows what to do. Amaro is a newbie at this. He's even more terrified of my continually increasing blood loss than I am. I have to give him some props though. He didn't freeze when I went down.


	2. Chapter 2 Waves of Darkness

Chapter Two – Waves of Darkness

Ah. There are the sirens. Good. I will never admit it to my panicked partner, but the edges of my vision are pretty dark now. I must be losing a lot of blood. How bad had that creep gotten me?

Bad. At least if the looks on the paramedics' faces when they reach me are any indication. I try to focus on what they are asking Nick, but it is harder than it should be.

"We were chasing down a perp. Benson was in front, right behind him. Before we could react the guy spun around and stabbed her."

Which is when I'd hit the ground. Amaro had come to me immediately and let the bastard who had raped three women get away. I can't really blame him for it; Elliot had done the same thing years ago with Guitano, but still… The guy deserves a nice cell in Rikers.

I drag my attention back to the medics who are sliding their arms under me. The movement doesn't last long, but the pain it sends up certainly does. It doesn't take long for them to get me on a gurney and heading toward the ambulance. Nick, go figure, is right by my side. Are the doctors going to be able to pull him away when we get to the hospital? I doubt it. He's even worse than Elliot.

As the gurney bumps lightly into the back of the ambulance pain explodes through me, and I pull in a sharp breath. That, unfortunately, only makes it worse. I nearly slip into the darkness completely but manage to hold onto consciousness somehow. It's a hell of a struggle though.

When the plastic of the oxygen mask settles against my face, I relax a little bit. There isn't anything to worry about now.

"Who's her emergency contact, next of kin?"

Elliot.

Crap. I hadn't even thought about changing it when he'd left. El worried enough about me before. Now it might be even worse since he isn't here to watch my back. I don't want him to take this onto his shoulders. Somehow I need to prevent him from being contacted.

Amaro seems to be fumbling for an answer. Good. Maybe I can head this off.

"Cragen."

That croak is my voice? Shit.

Nick's head whips toward mine, and he nods.

"She's right. Our captain would know."

Ugh. No, Nick. Not what I am getting at. Apparently the two of us still aren't on the same wave length most of the time. I don't have that unspoken communication with Nick that I used to have with Elliot. Guess I will just have to be a little more direct.

"Cragen… is."

Talking is hard. I only say two words, but it's all I can get out. I'm just too tired. Cragen will understand. At least I hope he will. El and I haven't really spoken since he left. I don't want the first time we meet face to face as friends and not partners to be like this, and I know if they call him, he'll come. Hell, even if I tell him personally not to he will still show up, his face creased with worry. Sure, El trusts me, but he still worries and he never listens. I doubt that's changed now that he's retired. Stubborn bastard.

"Liv?"

I drag my attention back to the present with more difficulty than I'd like to admit. It's actually kind of pathetic how hard it is. I'm not going to dwell on it though. I need every ounce of strength I have to process what Amaro is saying and formulate a correct reply.

"Liv? Cragen's your next of kin?"

Amaro looks like he doesn't believe it and wonders whether I'm just delirious. Even in my mostly out of it state I can see that. Honestly, I guess he has every reason to be confused. Most people don't have their boss as an emergency contact. My partner might understand better if I had ever told him that my family consisted of me and only me, but I hadn't.

Well, there is Simon, but we haven't spoken at all since the mess he'd gotten me into. Half brother or not, I can't rely on him, which means I rely on my coworkers instead. Now that I think about it, I'm being rather hypocritical. I rely on my coworkers, yet I won't reveal anything to Amaro. I'm just not ready to yet. I can't help it. I'm guarded like that.

Maybe it's because I'm so used to being the tough, bitchy cop all the time. Or it could just be my past and all of the demons that still reside there that caused it. I definitely have experience hiding things.

"Liv!"

Again I focus on my partner's face, a bit embarrassed. I'd drifted off again. Shit.

"Yeah," I croak back in answer to his earlier question.

I'm not sure he believes me even now, but there isn't anything much I can do to convince him. My brain may be running off in deep thought, but it isn't exactly coherent. There is no way I could come up with something brilliant to get him not to worry or question my words. He nods though, apparently accepting what I am saying. He'll probably get on the phone with Cragen the minute we're out of the ambulance.

That can't come too soon if you ask me. The pain welling up in my stomach is so bad that it's radiating out to the rest of my body. Like that isn't bad enough, the sirens are giving me a headache. One I may not have to worry about much longer considering how far the darkness has crept in around the edge of my vision. I'm trying to fight it off, to stay awake and aware. To be fully honest, I'm not doing a very good job of it.

I can hear the paramedic and Amaro talking to me, reassuring me that it will be alright, but I can't really understand the words. It's more like I can vaguely see their lips moving and recognize voices around me. Other than that, I just don't know.

Amaro suddenly clutches my hand and leans over to look directly at me. His eyes gleam with determination as if that alone can save me. Seeing him so intent on helping me doesn't add anything to my desire to fight for awareness, but it's the thought that counts. He's trying.

"We're here, Olivia. Just hang on."

I can make out a few words around the haziness my mind has become, but it's not enough to figure out the meaning. Nick turns to talk to the paramedics as the ambulance slows, and I allow my eyes to drift shut. I'm really tired, and it's becoming impossibly hard to concentrate. The darkness of sleep is beckoning. While I don't want to give in to it, its claws have sunk deep already. It's pulling me down slowly but surely.

I want to fight against it, and I try, but there's just no way I can win. Amaro's voice drifts to me, calling my name, but it's muffled. Slowly the voice becomes quieter until I can't hear it at all anymore. I'm being dragged down, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I just sink farther and farther and farther until I'm so deep that I can't possibly escape.

The darkness is painless, quiet, peaceful, and soothing. Why would I even want to try to escape it?


	3. Chapter 3 Visitors

Chapter Three - Visitors

The soft sound of beeping reaches through the dark nothingness that surrounds me. I have no idea what it is and no real desire to find out. The silent waves washing over me pull me back under like a tide. Soon enough the beeping is gone, and I'm once again drifting without a care in the world.

I'm not sure how long I spend in that complete void before the beeps penetrate it again. It's actually really annoying. And it should stop. Definitely stop so I can go back to the quiet sleep I've been enjoying. Apparently I'm not that lucky though. Not only does the beeping continue its even rhythm, I can now feel something touching my face too. I don't really want to pay attention to it, but I don't have a choice. Besides, the touch is soft, gentle, and reassuring.

As I focus harder on the feeling, I can't help but pick up on how familiar it is. Someone is brushing my hair back so it's not in my face. I've done it a thousand times myself, but I've only felt it in a half awake, half asleep state a few times before, and definitely not recently. Huh. Only Elliot has ever dared to try to do that for me.

My thoughts are yanked away from that curious irregularity when I feel a slight weight on my arm. Again, I have no idea what it is. Whatever is causing all of this just needs to stop so I can go back to sleep again. No matter how hard I try to ignore them though, they don't go away. In fact, they get louder and stronger.

I can hear a soft murmur and strain to figure out what it is. Someone's voice nearby. No. Two someones. While both male, the voices are definitely different. I would love to snap at them both to shut up, but it's way too difficult and will require me to come further into the world of wakefulness than I am now. I'm trying rather hard to avoid that. It wouldn't be a good idea. I'm one hundred percent positive that it wouldn't.

Once more there is a gentle touch on my forehead. Seriously, they don't give up! Furious at being dragged further and further away from my peaceful world, I yank my head to the side to avoid the touch. Besides the ever present beeping, all other sounds are suddenly gone. Good. Maybe now I can finally rest.

"Did you see that?"

Oh, come on! Just stay quiet already! Stupid voices. Again I try to ignore them, not bothering to focus on figuring out what the words were. Instead I just let them float completely over my head.

"Yeah. She waking up?"

"Maybe."

Ugh. Just stop. Please. Whoever you two are, just go away.

"Liv?"

Hearing my name is a lot harder to ignore, especially when the word sends a slight thrill of nostalgia through me. I haven't heard that voice say my name in a long time, but I know who it belongs to.

"Olivia? Open your eyes," the voice repeats.

Someone is gripping my hand and squeezing tight. I focus on that, using the feeling to ground myself. Whoever it is that's clinging to me so desperately is obviously concerned. About me. Great. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I don't need a guy worrying over me. This needs to be taken care of, fast. So I open my eyes.

Or at least I try to. I'm pretty sure it doesn't work, and my thought is confirmed when the second voice speaks up.

"Try, Olivia. Okay?"

What does he think I'm doing? Just taking a load off? Again I fight to get my eyes open. My eye lids are heavy though and I only manage to get them up a crack before they drift down again. It's not even long enough to give me a glimpse of the room or the owners of the two voices.

"There. That's it. Come on, Liv."

Like I need your encouragement. There is no way in hell I'm going to let either of these two guys think I'm pathetic and in need of support or assistance. I force my eyes open again. This time it's a lot easier, and after a few slow blinks I'm able to keep them open.

At first I can't make sense of what I'm seeing. It's really bright, and now that I'm generally aware I can feel a small throb of pain in my stomach.

"Hey. Welcome back."

It's Nick's voice, the second one I'd been hearing. For now I ignore him and work on putting the pieces back together again. The lights are bright, but the room is mostly empty and white. Whatever I'm lying on is soft, which is good since I'm tired and achy. I can feel something in my left arm. A quick glance reveals a thin plastic tube. There is also something in my nose and draped over my ears. It's almost as annoying as the infernal beeping.

An IV, a heart monitor, and oxygen in a bright, white room. Well, that answered that. By now I know exactly where I am which doesn't make the stupid monitor that's sounding off each of my heart beats any less bothersome to listen to.

I'd been stabbed on the job and am in the hospital. That realization sparks something inside of me, and I turn my eyes to the men at my side.

Nick sits holding my hand, his face a mix of concern and relief. When he seems my eyes on him he smiles gently and lightly squeezes my hand. I'm guessing I've been out for awhile if that relief is any indication.

"Glad you're okay."

I grunt in response. Why wouldn't I be okay? Instead of dealing with Amaro, I turn my head to my other guest. One who is not wanted.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demand, only it comes out more of a hoarse croak after the first word. Dammit.

I can see Nick turn to grab something out of the corner of my eye while I keep my attention fixed on the stocky man at the other side of my bed. He's watching me with an amused look on his face, his blue eyes glittering, and the barest trace of a smile. He knows me well enough not to be worried now that I'm awake and trying to bitch at him. Plus, he is probably expecting this kind of initial response.

"Here. Drink some."

My partner is holding a cup of water complete with a straw to my lips. I take a few sips to get some moisture back into my throat, all the while keeping my eyes locked on Elliot's. When Amaro pulls the cup away, I start in on El.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Amaro pulls back in surprise, and I can read the shock on his face. He's probably wondering who had gotten their facts about me and Elliot so wrong. If we were as close as he'd been told, I wouldn't have lashed out like this. Elliot, of course, doesn't seem the least bit concerned.

"Did you honestly think I wouldn't come just because I'm not on the force anymore?"

I shoot him my most withering glare, which probably isn't much of anything at the moment. Right now he deserves the one I give to perps that are being particularly foul. The one that would make them blanch in a second.

"You stubborn son of a bitch."

Elliot just laughs at the familiar saying. It certainly isn't the first time he's heard it from me. Honestly, I want to laugh too, but for a different reason. The wide eyed look on Amaro's face is priceless. I'm still far too ticked to do it though.

This time I turn my glare from my former partner to my current one. He'd let go of my hand awhile ago and looks at me a bit nervously.

"You called him?" I ask heatedly.

Amaro immediately shook his head in an attempt to cool my wrath.

"No. I called the captain like you said I should in the ambulance."

I groan and close my eyes. Apparently my trust in the captain understanding my message had been slightly misplaced. He hadn't gotten the drift. Amaro continues to explain so I force my eyes open and back on him again.

"I told him you were hurt and the hospital would want him there since you said he was next of kin."

"And?" I prod, curious about how Cragen had responded to the lie I'd fed Amaro.

"He just said okay. Told me to stay with you, and he'd be there as soon as he could."

Okay, so maybe the captain had gotten it. That doesn't explain Elliot's presence though. I tip my head toward him and cock an eyebrow questioningly. As usual, El doesn't need words to understand me.

"Cragen called me. Said you didn't want me to worry, but he thought I would want to know anyway."

Cragen and the others had probably come and gone by now leaving Amaro and Elliot to stay with me. I can imagine that it was rather awkward for Amaro, but he doesn't seem to be upset with me lying to him. Of course, he could just be hiding it for now.

Elliot watches me closely, his body language giving nothing away. I don't need it. I can read it all in his eyes. What I had done hurt him.

"El…"

I trail off, regret etching the word. This is what I had been trying to avoid. He is worried and likely feeling guilty as well. In my efforts to keep my injury from him, I'd only added to the pain.

Amaro seems to realize we need some time alone, so he stands and heads for the door without a word. I have a feeling he'll stay close by just in case though. He can be just as overprotective as Elliot sometimes.

When it's just the two of us, Elliot speaks up.

"Why didn't you want me here, Liv?"

His voice is quiet and sad which sends a knife through my heart. I can hear the unspoken addition easily.

_Am I not good enough anymore? Is this payback for deserting you?_

I reach out slowly to clutch his hand, needing to reassure him. The last thing I want is for Elliot to blame himself for my decision.

"I didn't want you to worry about me."

"Olivia, I – "

I cut him off before he can go on.

"You finally got away from all of this. I didn't want you to be dragged back in."

And I didn't want what were probably still fresh wounds to be reopened.

Unfortunately that's exactly what happens. Outwardly there isn't a noticeable change in him, but we had been partners for twelve years before he retired. I can read him like a book. The slight slump in his shoulders. The downward cast of eyes now filled with pain. The fact that even when I touch his hand he won't meet my eyes. It tells me everything I need to know.

"Elliot, look at me and listen close."

I wait until I'm absolutely sure he's paying attention before I continue. He needs to hear this.


	4. Chapter 4 Show and Tell

Chapter Four – Show and Tell

The last thing I want to do is be the one to talk. Ever since the incident at the precinct that broke up our partnership, I knew that the first time we talked I would make sure he did the talking and I did the listening. My accident changes that though. What I have to get across to him is more important. I'm not going to bring up what happened months ago in detail. He doesn't need to hear it. While related, he does need to hear this, and I'm going to make sure he hears it loud and clear.

"This is not your fault. Do you hear me?"

I emphasize each word, hoping to drill the message into his thick skull.

"It's not your fault that you retired. It's not your fault that I got hurt today. You couldn't have done anything about either."

"I could have come back. Then I would have been there to watch your back."

I can hear the anguish in his tone. It's going to end right now.

"Which would have done me no good since I got stabbed in the stomach," I quip.

Elliot just gapes at me, and I smile teasingly in return. Before he gets a word in, I speak up again.

"I understand the decision you made, El. I knew what choice you would make the instant Cragen told me about I.A.B."

He sighs and looks away a moment. We both know he made the best decision he could have under the circumstances, but I can see at this moment, sitting beside my hospital bed, he regrets it.

"If I hadn't left, you wouldn't be here now."

"Right, because my prince in shining armor would have jumped in to save me?" I scoff. "Get real, El. I can take care of myself just fine. This is just a hazard of the job nobody could have prevented."

He knows what I'm saying is true, and he knows that I know he knows. That doesn't stop him from trying to contradict me though. The bastard.

"I could have tried. I could have been there."

I roll my eyes at him.

"Nick was there, he did try."

"He's a rookie," Elliot growls, obviously irritated that this kid is watching my back and not him.

"Only in SVU. He's not a new detective, El, and he knows what he's doing."

Most of the time Amaro gives me no reason to question how much experience he has. Today was one of the few times he really did seem like a rookie. It was the first time he'd seen his partner get taken down. Lucky me, I got to provide him with the experience.

Elliot is watching Amaro through the windows of my room, silently evaluating the other man. His standards on who should be allowed to partner with me are unreasonably high. I can't really call him on it though. It had taken me a long time to accept Nick too. It wasn't like there was anything wrong with him. He just wasn't Elliot.

"You trust him?"

I nod, locking eyes with him again.

"He good?"

"Yeah, El. He knows what he's doing even if he's still learning how to deal with the victims and his anger toward the perps."

Elliot's eyes narrow slightly. I had phrased the description purposefully so my former partner would pick up on the similarity. He does.

"Another person with my bad habits."

"Good thing I know how to deal with guys like that."

I grin and Elliot returns it slightly. We've talked about that more than once too.

"I just want to be sure he can look out for you."

Seriously, I want to hit him. It seems that retirement hasn't toned down his protectiveness.

"El, you sound like a father who wants to make sure his little girl's fiancé is good enough. It's ridiculous."

"You're my partner. I can't leave you to just anyone."

Are my partner, not were. I guess I'll always be his partner even though we aren't technically working together. Really, it's the same for me. You can't just let go of twelve years so easily. Part of me will always think of him as my partner.

"Elliot…"

"I know how hard you work yourself, Liv. How many times did I have to almost physically drag you into the crib to rest? How many times did I have to put lunch or dinner on your desk to subtly remind you that you hadn't eaten? How many times did I have to break down your walls so you wouldn't be crushed by the emotional weight of a case? How often, Liv?"

Everything he says is true, and I know it. I can't deny the fact that I'm overly stubborn, and Elliot had often forced me to take care of myself when I had been ignoring it. El had always known when I needed to talk and had pushed and prodded despite my sharp reactions until I'd opened up. Amazingly enough, I had always felt better afterwards.

I turn my head away from him, which gives him all the answer that he needs.

"Olivia, can this Amaro guy do any of that for you?"

I don't answer. I can't because I just don't know. We haven't worked together long enough to find out. No, it isn't that exactly. I erect walls around myself, and Nick is still not comfortable questioning me or trying to break through them since I'm the senior officer. Eventually he will, and then we'll find out if he can do what Elliot did.

"Maybe in time."

It's the only answer I can give him. Elliot isn't satisfied with that answer, and the disgusted look on his face proves it. The fact that he doesn't like it doesn't surprise me.

"That's not good enough."

"It is what it is." I slip into our easy banter without thinking.

Elliot snorts and eyes me, probably thinking about how much of a pain in the ass I am. He's not wrong either.

"Then you're going to end up broken. A case is going to get under your skin and tear you apart, and you'll be too stubborn to talk to him unless he pushes you."

"I'm not some fragile little girl, Elliot."

He ignores the heat in my voice and continues calmly.

"I know that, but you get close. It's what makes you so good at what you do. Sooner or later you're going to wear yourself down to the breaking point if you don't have someone to lean on once in awhile."

Elliot has no idea how right he is. I almost lost myself after he left, turning away from everyone and everything. I tried to cling to the job, but I could barely find a reason to anymore. Months of feeling alone and tired had finally given way. Now I am back to my old self, but it had been a close call.

"You can't babysit me you know," I point out.

"I know, which is why I'm just going to share some information instead."

He's grinning like he just found the clue that unlocks a case. That case is me it seems. I eye him skeptically, a little worried about what this plan might be.

"Elliot," I warn, but he ignores me and heads toward the door.

He quickly waves Amaro in and soon both have joined me at my bedside again. I shift my glare between the two of them though it's much fiercer for Elliot than Amaro. Elliot ignores my irritation and turns to address the uneasy young detective.

"What do you know about her?" He gestures down at me as he says this.

Amaro is caught off guard, and he glances down at me too before looking back up at Elliot. I'm still glaring at him, but I know I'm not getting out of this. Elliot won't let me even if I intimidate Nick into silence. Nick takes a few moments to organize his thoughts and figure out how much of the truth to actually share before answering.

"Um… she's really good at what she does. Good at finding the perps and great with the victims. She can be a little stubborn sometimes though."

He looks down at me questioningly. I can tell he's hoping he didn't say too much and end up pissing me off. I roll my eyes and turn away. I can't move too much though considering the stitches in my stomach. While the pain medication is allowing me to do some movement without blacking out, I'm not willing to push it. Amaro is about to apologize when Elliot starts laughing.

"A little? Sometimes?"

I slap his stomach with the back of my hand, hard. The ass. Elliot doesn't seem bothered, as usual, and continues to address Amaro.

"She's a lot stubborn most of the time. Don't let her fool you into thinking otherwise."

Amaro still seems confused, so I take pity on him and explain.

"Elliot's trying to tell you that I can be hard headed, but I know what I'm doing."

I shoot another glare at Elliot. He directs one right back at me. Apparently my twisting what he meant hadn't gone without notice.

"No, I'm saying sometimes you have to force her to take care of herself. Don't be afraid to do it either," Elliot corrects.

My glare intensifies and Amaro takes that as a cue to try and diffuse the situation. It's not going to work, but he can give it a shot. This isn't really anything different from the norm with me and Elliot. It's not even a big fight, though it will seem that way to an outsider who doesn't know us. Nick probably thinks I'm furious with El, which in a way, I am. I've been angrier at him though. This is nothing.

"I think Olivia can take care of herself."

Ah, good. He's on my side. Smart choice.

"Most of the time," Elliot agrees, "but if you're going to be her partner you'd better get used to standing up to her. She's too hard headed to see the truth sometimes, and she'll fight you every step of the way. Don't let her convince you she's fine."

"Elliot!"

"How many times, Liv?"

I immediately shut my mouth. This is going to be a losing battle for me.

"Um…"

We both turn to look at Nick who is fidgety and unsure. He has no idea what Elliot is trying to get at. Nick has never really seen me get reprimanded and put in my place before. It's unsettling him even more than facing El, who can be intimidating even under the best circumstances. Now, when he's worried about me isn't the "best circumstances" by a long shot.

"Put it this way," Elliot explains. "Are you going to look after her?"

"Of course. She's my partner."

Elliot seems to approve of that answer, and he gives Amaro a nod of approval.

"Good. Then there are some things you'll need to know."

I groan, knowing all of my bad habits are going to be shared with my young partner whether I want them to be or not. Elliot is doing what he thinks is best for me. As much as I hate to admit it, he's probably right in doing so. I may not want Amaro becoming privy to so many intimate details about my personality, but it will help me in the long run. The rest of my walls will stay in place for now. Maybe eventually Nick will get a peek inside, but at the moment he will have to make due with the information Elliot is sharing.

Elliot, my pain in the ass former partner. Even after leaving the force he is still looking out for me. Right now, since he knows he can't be there for me all the time anymore, he's doing the only thing he can to ensure my health and mental stability.

At the moment I'm disgusted, but later I know I'll be grateful to him. He's giving Nick the tools to catch me when I fall. It may not be graceful at first, but Nick will figure it out. Elliot will probably make sure of it too.

Twelve years of inside secrets about me.

The guy really is a bastard, but I love him for it.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: And that, my friends, is the end. Maybe now that this is done being uploaded I'll get that song out of my head. The title of this story reminds me of the lyrics in We Are by Ana Johnson, meaning every time I look or think about getting this uploaded the song pops back in my head again. Sheesh. And amazingly enough this time, I already have the next one typed up and hopefully proofread by the time this goes up. I'm not overly pleased with it since I decided to try something new and it didn't work so well, but hey, it happens I guess. If you're alright with crossovers feel free to take a look.<p> 


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